Jihadi Tongue in Cheek Media

Associated Press reported that AQ No. 2 Ayman Al Zawahiri “will soon answer the hundreds of questions submitted by journalists, militants and others about the terrorist network’s future”, citing an AQ press release to that effect. In response, the New Yorker, with it’s usual wit, has cobbled together an interesting exercise in relative banality. A sampling of what an AQ Q&A over the web could look like:

Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:

I am a member in good standing of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade and am considering switching my terror membership to Al Qaeda. Is there a difference in dental?

—Confused in Cairo

Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:

Unfortunately, that is not my department. Please call the office between the hours of eight and five and ask for Al Qaeda No. 37.

Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:

I am a journalist for the U.S. publication Tiger Beat. When I heard you would be taking Web questions, I was like OMG, I totes have to write to him!!! Here are three questions we’re asking celebrities this month:

1. If you could be any character on “Gossip Girl,” who would you be?

2. Who would be a better friend, Lauren on “The Hills” or Ashley Tisdale in “High School Musical”?

3. Who is hotter, Zac Efron or Joe Jonas? (LOL)

—Stacy in Manhattan

Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:

May you and everyone at your magazine burn in Hell.

Greetings and compliments to you, my good sir:

I am the widow of the late Nigerian head of state, General Sani Abacha. Please wire $15,000 in U.S. funds to the bank information provided below and in two weeks’ time you will receive $150,000 for your kindly services, my goodly gentleman.

—Mrs. Maryam Abacha

Lagos

Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:

What kind of simpleton do you take me for? I sent you $15,000 last month and I never heard back.

 

There’s more. Go read it.

 

Borowitz, Andy. “Ask the Jihadist.” New Yorker (28 April 2008) 

 

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